Every once in a while I have a moment punctuated with self-doubt, frustration, and outright depression. When I have just spent 100+ hours preparing for a test that goes badly, written a paper that didn’t catch the professor’s eye. when I am long on hours spent in the library, and short on hours spent in sleep and with my family. When we work our fingers to the bone and still can’t pay the bills without help. When the “good car” won’t start anymore. When There is no way I can possibly accomplish all that I have on my plate by the due dates.
It is these times that I recognize how truly fragile I am, and I ask myself the question, “why are we doing this again?”
Sometimes I think that God is testing me. Sometimes I can’t hear him through the noise of my business. Sometimes I feel like he isn’t even talking to me.
And then He answers me…
He has told us that “I will never leave you nor forsake you”. And I believe him. Even when I am run-down, heartsick, weary, and lack the strength to go on, I feel him running for me, warming my heart, providing me rest, and supplying his strength to me.
Lord, I am so thankful that you love even me. I am so undeserving, so weak. Yet you have loved me from eternity, and you sustain me even now. Baruch HaShem! You are mighty! You are worthy! You alone can save me! I trust in you! Rest your healing hands upon me! Grant your grace to me! Forgive me for my doubts, my evil desires! Forgive me for trusting in my own abilities, for forgetting the important things! You alone are Holy! You alone are great! You alone are worthy of my praise! Love me!
I love you too, because you first loved me…